Scars

Today we will talk about a book I read recently and about scars – about how we all have them, or as one could say, carry them. The book in question is called “Michael Without Apology” by Catherine Ryan Hyde.

For the sake of being precise I asked CoPilot for a summary. CoPilot stated:

“Michael Without Apology” is a poignant coming-of-age novel about healing, identity, and the transformative power of storytelling. Michael Woodbine, scarred physically and emotionally by a childhood fireworks accident caused by parental neglect, is placed in foster care and adopted by the loving Woodbines. Despite their support, Michael struggles with abandonment, self-worth, and body image. As a college freshman and budding filmmaker, he meets Robert Dunning, a professor who encourages him to confront his trauma through a documentary project. Michael’s film invites people who feel unattractive or rejected to share their stories — revealing that nearly everyone wrestles with self-perception. Through these interviews and his own revelations, Michael begins to understand that he is not alone, and that connection and honesty can lead to healing. Yet, his deepest challenge remains — coming to terms with why his birth parents didn’t fight to keep him. The novel explores themes of trauma recovery through art, self-acceptance, and community as a source of strength, offering a powerful reflection on what it means to live unapologetically.

When Michael starts out on his filmmaking journey he encounters, and interviews, a man with facial scars from an accident, and a woman with dual mastectomy scars, whom he ultimately falls in love with. He also interviews a very old man whose body gave him much pride at one time in his life but no longer does due to age. He interviews another fellow who has no visible scars but has battled with being stick-thin his whole life. Michael also encounters and interviews a woman who has given birth many times and carries the scars of childbirth – loose and baggy skin, stretch marks, etc. Throughout the book, many emotions are shared and give the reader lots to ponder. At one point, obesity is mentioned and I felt a definite connection to that.

While reading the book, I was deeply moved by how Michael came to see that all people are scarred in some way, be it physically or emotionally – and more often than not, have a good helping of both. The physical scars in the book are often hidden underneath clothes, and to an outsider the sufferer looks or acts normal. Such was the case with Michael who was otherwise a handsome 19-year-old. I think that was an important feature in the book, because it illustrated how those who look normal, or how society gauges as acceptable, can still carry the burden of scars. In the book, the author delves deep into how those hidden scars affect or direct the sufferer’s life, usually in unhealthy ways, if not addressed through some form of “recovery,” as I would say it.

From an artistic point of view, I liked how Michael’s foray into filmmaking started out as one thing, a little narrower in focus, but came to be so much more as he progressed. I liked too, how, as an artist, he allowed that broader focus to lead the way, making the outcome so much more than he thought it would be in the beginning.

There were several lessons to be learned in the book, the most important being that we don’t need to apologize for how we look. We are scarred yes, but so is everyone else – it is part of being human.

Also prominent in the book is the fact that we all age – we are all diminished in countless ways, be it less stamina, less ability, or so many other ways. Although a common theme that bonds us, we still battle a media/ad driven society that tells us we are unacceptable and that they have the cure – the right product to fix us and make us more acceptable. The great lie I call this – it’s all about selling us something to give the illusion that we can control it. How does that help anyone? Well, it doesn’t, does it!?

In the book, we learn or see how all people have anxiety about their looks and that if we don’t take steps to accept ourselves, we live in fear of judgement, rejection, or a host of other such things. Couple that with self-hate, and life feels cruel and joyless. As an example, I have struggled with being overweight, and even at times when I have managed to lose a large amount, it was never enough. For a long time, I avoided mirrors so I could avoid the litany of self-hate that I would experience when I saw my image in the mirror. I know lots of overweight people, or see them in the streets, and I don’t have the same revulsion or judgement towards them. Why can’t I see myself in a better light? That said, I am not as forgiving with women as I am with men. Yes, that is unfair, but I can admit it here.

I remember learning about body-dysmorphia at one time and noted how this manifests itself in me. Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can’t be seen by others — but you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations. For me, it is not so much that it keeps me from social situations, but more so how it is always something that is on my mind, as a defect, and makes me see myself as worse than perhaps others looking from the outside see me. Still, on the other hand, those looking on the outside see obesity and see an obvious defect. I often think that obesity is the modern-day leprosy. Most people find it disgusting and offensive – at least that is what I perceive. On top of that, they are not opposed to telling you to your face – be it in person, in novels, in movies, in TV shows. Gosh, give me a thin body with scars hidden under my clothes any day! 😊

Much like I said in my blog post, The Essence of Erosion, the scars are not just physical. They are the patina of survival and transformation, and we should take great pride in the courage it takes to live with them, and, hopefully, to do so without apology.

There were a couple things in the book that I thought the author should have done differently, but this could just be something indicative of my own journey – good or bad I can’t say for sure. I guess I should call “spoiler alert” at this point just in case what I am about to say reveals too much of the book.

When Michael finishes his film, his professor is awed by the production and suggests that he submit it to a number of film festivals. At the same time the professor mentions that he has a friend who has a connection to a Netflix producer. Michael is surprised that Netflix airs shorts but finds the prospect enticing. The professor’s friend helps polish the film a bit, not so much that it changes it, but enough to make it a bit more professional and then it is sent off to Netflix for review. At this point while reading I am thinking that I hope the film does not get selected because 1. It is Michael’s first film. 2. He had help polishing it, so not entirely his in the end. 3. It is through the connections of others that he would get his work noticed. 4. Based on what is said in the book, if Netflix takes the film they payout little money ($750.00) and they have sole rights – even changing the title and credits if they want. Part of this makes me jealous, getting noticed like this, and part of it worries me, for Michael’s sake. An early success like that, right at the start, can do a number on one’s ego, and of course, makes it hard to come up with something afterwards that garners the same success. Anyway, read the book to see the outcome.

A big part of me wanted Michael’s film journey to be more of a private affair for him, where he alone learns the lessons of his journey, much like it has been for me. On the other hand, I think – if it is all kept so personal, then there’d be no Fiddler on the Roof by Norman Jewison and all of the other stuff that we read and watch that is moving and helps us all in one way or another.

As mentioned in the summary at the beginning, the personal journey that Michael is on with his early childhood trauma, and other occurrences, make the book very interesting in so many ways. It is a look at someone’s life that I think we can all relate to in some way.

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Who Shall I Say is Calling – Created by Don Cheke

Who Shall I Say is Calling is a piece I created while thinking about the subject of this blog post. I did not know what would appear when I started, but I had looked online for inspiration and had come across an abstract painting that featured the face of a woman blended into it. I thought that it looked interesting and decided to work towards something that did the same. I looked in my digital photo file and came across a facial image I had taken a number of years ago. I overlaid an abstract painting and blended it and a scratched metal plate into the piece and what you see above appeared. I thought that it represented well a hidden and scarred person. Representative of how we are ashamed of our scars and take steps to hide them. The title is a line from a Leonard Cohen song (Who by Fire) I had been listening to at the time and it seemed just perfect. As I look at this image and ponder the book mentioned above – I think that we do not have to be ashamed of our scars. This is me – get over it, as someone in the book likes to say.

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As is the case with most of my blog posts, I will now share a few more pieces of my recent artwork.

Covered Bridge Abstract – Created by Don Cheke

Covered Bridge Abstract started with experimentation with watercolor washes and blend modes. I really liked the base color palette – it reminded me of a vegetable garden – orange carrots, yellow corn, and green peas. I also like the flow. Because I have added pencil drawings from my past to other works to give them a new life, I decided to look for something that would work here. The covered bridge with the trees seemed to be a perfect fit. I tweaked the drawing portion to be like a silhouette, and the results made me smile. I like how the lower green path fits well with the bridge path – like they were made for each other.

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Between Heaven and Earth – Created by Don Cheke

Between Heaven and Earth began as an experiment with creating my own watercolor brush and laying splashes of paint out on the canvas in an abstract manner. To enhance the painting and keep with the tree theme of the previous piece, I dug into my photo gallery and found a lovely treed-horizon picture that I took in a nearby park. When blended in with the watercolor, I knew I had stumbled on to something pleasing. I liked how the trees separated the sky and the earth – the title Between Heaven and Earth seemed ideal.

Much to my surprise, Denise had me come to look at her computer and I found that she used this image as her desktop background. It looks very nice used that way, if I can say so myself.

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Trees – Created by Don Cheke

Since I was on a roll with the tree theme, I thought I would see what else I could come up with. For this piece, I found a picture of a tree I had photographed years ago when the Preston Crossing area here in Saskatoon was being developed. The purpose for the tree pictures at the time was to remove the background and use the trees in CAD architectural scenes. For this project I made a selection of one tree and converted it into a brush in my painting program. I splashed a few trees on the canvas in three layers and blended the results to reveal the best look. I added more to the painting but came back to this earlier look, due to the simple beauty I thought it presented. I hope that you like it.

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That is all there is for today. I hope that you enjoyed the blog post and that it gave you much to think about.

Until next time….

Donald B. Cheke – Saskatoon, SK