I am often moved by the kindness of others. In today’s blog post I am going to talk about lasting gestures of love. This was sparked by a gift that my wife received recently from four of her Al-Anon friends. Because the program is meant to be anonymous, I cannot name the friends, as much as I would like to.
As anyone who attends 12-step self-help support groups know, a lot of sharing goes on at a very personal level. Those who attend Al-Anon with Denise know that she struggles with Parkinson’s disease, along with other things in life, that affect so many of us. At one point between meetings, she was presented with a handmade knitted shawl. It consists of 16 twelve-inch squares, all separate patterns and colors. In the quilting world this would be considered a scrappy quilt, or a sampler quilt. Maybe it is called a sampler in the knitting world too. Whatever the case, each of the four friends created a number of the squares and then one of the friends sewed them together and added a small border to tie them all together. It is quite lovely, in this man’s opinion. You can see Denise wrapped snuggly in it in the feature image. It’s a perfect gift for someone who is often chilly.
The accompanying card read:
Denise –
A few of us who can knit thought of making you a prayer shawl for when you need a hug or some comfort. We have each knitted some squares and then joined them together in good Al-Anon ways.
We know before your diagnosis that you were interested in learning how to knit. We also know that with such a dramatic change it can be possible to lose your sense of self. So, if that happens you can pull our hugs around you –
Love…
I know Denise was very moved by this gesture, as I am even today.
Having friends and family can sure help make the struggles in life a little easier to live with, especially when they offer such loving physical gestures, ones that you will be reminded of every time you see and use such things, as with the shawl in this case.
In the case of this shawl, I can’t help but think of the time it would have taken to produce the shawl, let alone getting a group of friends organized enough to make it happen. That in itself adds to the beauty of the gift – that they cared enough to put in all the effort to make the gift come to life.
One of the things I learned early in my own journey of recovery is that if I think of doing something nice, some loving gesture, that I should do it when I think about it, so it doesn’t just become a passing thought, one that is never set in motion. I know from discussions with Denise that she too learned this and does so often. She does so, for instance, by stopping at Tim Hortons and picking up tea and other drinks for our daughter and granddaughters. Or donuts, or other treats for me. Those of us on the receiving end always appreciate the gestures, and I know Denise feels good about doing it.
Just recently, my Aunt Claire telephoned Denise and asked if she thought Emma might like a monogrammed baby blanket for her newborn son, Luke. Uncle Ron (now passed on) and Claire had done the same for her first two children, Olivia and Madelyn, so Claire was hoping to carry on with the tradition. Emma answered with a resounding yes! She said that both Olivia and Madelyn love their blankets, and use them still, all these years later. As noted, these too are made with love, and what I have decided to call such gifts “lasting gestures of love” in this blog post.
I expect that you, like me and Denise – and Emma and her family, will have experienced many other gestures of love. Perhaps it comes in the form of a long-term friendship, where a friend, or friends, stick by you, no matter what life sends your way. I have experienced this with my friend Mike, who is the most loyal friend one could have. Perhaps it comes from friends that have had financial success and share that with you with no strings attached. Both Denise and I experienced this with our friends Ben and Lynda who paid for us to go on a trip to Hawaii. All expenses paid by them. Thank you seems so inadequate, but alas, they said that it was just something they wanted to give us.
There was a time when Emma and I almost lost Denise due to cardiac arrest. Had we not gotten Denise to the hospital just before this occurred, she would have surely died. While Denise was in Intensive Care for eight days, my brother’s then wife, Rhonda, stayed the entire time with Denise, allowing Emma and me to have breaks to go home to sleep and to get ourselves together. That loving gesture from Rhonda made me look at her in a whole new light. Although we got along before this, the love I felt afterwards was at a new higher level. As the time and commitment that was involved in the prayer shawl mentioned earlier, this gesture from Rhonda required her to be away from her family and basically put her own life on hold for Emma and me. It is mind-boggling to think that these gestures come with no expectations, that those doing the giving don’t expect the same thing in return. I can only hope that when the chips are down, that I will respond to others with such selflessness when I see, or am given, an opportunity.
Feel free to share your experiences with lasting gestures of love in the comments, if you are moved to do so.
Let’s look at some recent art that I created.
Abstract 070525 – Created by Don Cheke
This piece is/was based on my continued thoughts about a single circular component on a contrasting background. If you recall, there was some discussion on this in my blog post called Is it an Original. For this one I created a multi-layer background with painted textures. I blended in a glowing orb to complete the look. Although I called this piece Abstract 070525, for the day it was created on, I did think about calling it Empire of the Sun, after the 1987 movie of the same name, which was written by Tom Stoppard and directed by Steven Spielberg. It is an American epic coming-of-age war film, based on J. G. Ballard’s semi-autobiographical 1984 novel of the same name. The film tells the story of Jamie “Jim” Graham (Christian Bale), a young boy who goes from living with his wealthy British family in Shanghai to becoming a prisoner of war in an internment camp operated by the Japanese during World War II. I remember enjoying the movie. Can you feel that vibe while spending time looking at this painting?
The Burden – Created by Don Cheke
I created this painting on a day that something happened, which sent me into a spiral. I felt like the world was crushing in on me and I wondered if I would survive the pain I felt. I call this piece “The Burden” to represent the feeling that the darkness was coming toward me and would likely crush me. In the image, one can see the points, or tips, of the darkness bearing down.
After I sat with the image for a while, I noted that one could see the image as being indicative of being crushed, the darkness crashing in – or it can be seen as being indicative of breaking free, the light breaking out through the darkness. This reminded me that I have a choice about how I feel. I can let the dark night of the soul destroy me, or I can learn from the experience and choose not to be broken by it.
The figures represent me/us. They can be viewed as us pleading to be saved from the burden, or crying out “what the hell,” or viewed as us rejoicing, celebrating all that life puts in our paths, knowing that we can survive, and can do so brilliantly.
I sure love having the ability to write and create art. It helps me travel through life and express those things that stir my soul. I appreciate too, that I am able to share these things with you. That helps to make me feel that there is a community, or a tribe, that I belong to – that I am accepted by.
Thanks so much for traveling along with me! 💖
Donald B. Cheke – July 21, 2025