Many of those who read my blog on a regular basis will know that I spent much of my adult life in Al-Anon as part of my recovery program. What you may not know is that I was introduced to the program when I was nine years old and my Mom made it possible for me to attend Alateen. In case you are not familiar with Alateen, it is part of the AA / Al-Anon family groups, but is for children of alcoholics, be it in a family member, other relative, or friend. In my case, my father was an alcoholic and my mom, at that time, was a fairly new member of Al-Anon. I struggled as a kid and mom thought that I would benefit by attending.
Alateen was very well attended when I first began going to a regular meeting, Thursday evenings, if I recall. Because Al-Anon was typically a group for the wives of alcoholics in those days, young adults, male and female, attended Alateen. At that time in history, you would see young folk in their late teens and early twenties attending Alateen. At the time, I was the youngest attendee by quite a bit but I felt at home for the most part, since I was already, what some might call, an old soul. Although I continued to be a screwed-up kid through it all, I remember that I liked going to the weekly meeting and feeling like I was part of something. If I remember correctly, I participated as best I could in working the steps and even remember doing a step 4 inventory and then doing a step five where one discusses one’s results with another trusted person, to try and come to terms with who you are, and what direction you might take to make life better.
Because this group was so strong and had many older members, there were many outings planned, such as bus trips to neighboring towns and cities to attend what are called roundups. A roundup is basically a conference, where there are speakers, meetings, workshops, and so forth, typically with participation of Al-Anon and Alateen, or AA, Al-Anon, and Alateen. They were always a great time for me, if I didn’t allow my own crappy headspace to get in the way. Not an easy task for me at the time, if the truth be told.
I had two experiences that were hard for me while attending the Thursday night meeting. The first was when the group was holding group elections, for those interested in what is called service work. As any group member can attest, all groups need some kind of structure to maintain their purpose and focus and to keep in touch with the world-wide AA / Al-Anon family groups. At any rate, our group was having elections and I said that I would like to run for GR (group representative). One of the older fellows, Tim was his name, said that I was too young, and I, of course, felt crushed. Even though Tim had said this, he did befriend me and we spent quite a bit of time together over my time there. These days, people would question why an 18-year-old was spending time with a 9 or 10-year-old, but there was no funny business with it. Tim was attending university and lived in a dorm on campus. I would spend time with him there and we would spend time at one of the churches on campus, where he played the pipe organ and I sang along. I remember us going for coffee to a nearby restaurant now and again and just visiting about life, I suppose. I would imagine that my mom would have encouraged this friendship with Tim, since it meant that I had a male role model in my life, and she had come to know him too.
The second experience was when my older brother Dave joined the group a year or two after me. Dave was the oldest child in my family and he had the reputation, or assignment, of being the golden child, the one who could do no wrong. Dave was also a very nice-looking young man and friendly and extroverted too. Not that I was butt ugly or anything like that, but gosh, he was cherub sweet, still is, lucky bugger! 😊Everybody just loved Dave! To me it seemed that once he joined the group, he took all focus away from me, what little I thought I had, and again, I was crushed. Even Tim gravitated toward Dave. I quietly retreated into myself, while continuing to attend, but always feeling like I was an alien that didn’t belong.
To make a long story a bit shorter, Tim, the same fellow mentioned above, became a life-long friend of my family and me, and it was in the last weeks of his cancer, before dying at 49, that he talked to me about how bad he felt for having caused me such pain all those years ago. I was quick to forgive because by that time he had already been long forgiven. The moral of the story however, or the point of it, is that we, as a people, can sure carry things throughout our lives that weigh heavy on our minds. It is best to deal with them when they occur and not decades later, if at all.
It was during my early years in Alateen that I participated in a summer program called “Project Sunrise.” I believe it was funded or put on, in part, by the Calder Center here in Saskatoon, a mental health and addiction treatment center. Although it could not be affiliated with the Alateen program, since it is a separate entity, Alateen kids were invited to participate. At the time, the Calder Center was located in Saskatoon’s St. Paul’s Hospital. For Project Sunrise, the Calder Center people, I presume, rented a nearby house for the sole purpose of housing the project during that summer. I’m pretty sure that it was the corner house seen in the image below. I remember the enclosed porch. Note that the house was used only during daytime hours, no one stayed there at night.
House used for Project Sunrise – Screen Capture from Google Street View (2021)
My friend Tim was the leader of the program so he had a major role in the operation of the program and for providing session material. Although it was unknown to me at the time, Tim was in university working towards his psychology degree. To this day, I wonder if Project Sunrise was his brainchild and part of his work towards his degree, like a thesis or a special project of sorts; perhaps a “work placement” as is typical of such majors.
While at the house, I recall having group meetings about alcoholism and all that that means for families of alcoholics. I remember Tim providing a service to the kids, in particular, I remember him doing visualization sessions to help me find some inner peace. I found it a very nice experience, listening to his voice as he led me through the visualization exercises and feeling a peace I had never known.
I also remember the group of us walking over to the hospital to gather in the Calder Center meeting rooms to learn about other things related to alcoholism, like the Cycle of Alcoholism, and the Developmental Stages of Alcoholism.
Are you familiar with the Cycle of Alcoholism? (Skip ahead to “Moving on…” if you are not interested in the technicalities of alcoholism that I am going to mention.)
Cycle of Addiction Illustration – Created by Don Cheke
I asked the Bing AI to provide some insight, since I thought it would do a better job than me.
Me: Tell me about The Cycle of Addiction.
Bing AI: The cycle of addiction is a complex process that typically involves several stages. Understanding these stages can help in recognizing and addressing addiction. Here are the main stages:
- Initial Use: This is when a person first tries a substance. It can happen for various reasons, such as curiosity, peer pressure, or to manage pain or stress.
- Abuse: At this stage, the person starts using the substance more frequently and in larger amounts. The use becomes more about seeking the pleasurable effects or escaping reality.
- Tolerance: Over time, the body gets used to the substance, and the person needs more of it to achieve the same effects.
- Dependence: The person starts to rely on the substance to function normally. They may experience withdrawal symptoms if they try to stop using it.
- Addiction: This is characterized by compulsive use of the substance despite negative consequences. The person may spend a lot of time and effort obtaining and using the substance.
- Relapse: Even after periods of abstinence, many people return to substance use. This can be triggered by stress, environmental cues, or other factors.
Breaking this cycle often requires professional help, including therapy, support groups, and sometimes medication. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, reaching out for support can be a crucial step towards recovery.
Me: Why does the line, Cycles of Alcoholism, contain the term cycles when the pattern of alcoholism seems linear, from bad to worse?
Bing AI: The term “Cycles of Alcoholism” refers to the repetitive and often cyclical nature of alcohol addiction, rather than a straightforward progression from bad to worse. Alcoholism is characterized by a pattern of behavior that includes periods of heavy drinking, withdrawal, and relapse, which can repeat over time.
Here are the key stages in the cycle of alcoholism:
- Binge/Intoxication Stage: This is when an individual consumes alcohol and experiences its rewarding effects, such as euphoria and reduced anxiety.
- Withdrawal/Negative Affect Stage: After the effects of alcohol wear off, the individual may experience negative emotions and physical withdrawal symptoms, which can drive them to drink again to alleviate these feelings.
- Preoccupation/Anticipation Stage: The individual becomes preoccupied with obtaining and consuming alcohol, often leading to a relapse.
These stages create a cycle where the individual repeatedly goes through periods of drinking, withdrawal, and craving, which can make it difficult to break free from the addiction.
Me: What are the stages in the development of alcoholism? How is the person affected over time?
Bing AI: The development of alcoholism typically progresses through several stages, each with distinct characteristics and impacts on the individual. Here are the commonly recognized stages:
- Pre-Alcoholic Stage
Characteristics: This stage involves occasional drinking, often to relieve stress or for social reasons. There is little to no evidence of problem drinking.
Impact: The person may start developing a tolerance to alcohol, needing more to achieve the same effects. - Early Stage
Characteristics: Drinking becomes more frequent and regular. The person may start using alcohol as a coping mechanism for negative emotions or stress.
Impact: Social drinking becomes more common, and the individual may begin to experience hangovers and other mild negative consequences. - Middle Stage
Characteristics: Alcohol consumption becomes more consistent and frequent. The person might start drinking alone or in the morning.
Impact: Relationships with family and friends may deteriorate. Physical health issues, such as frequent hangovers and sickness, become more apparent. - Late Stage
Characteristics: The person loses control over their drinking and feels compelled to drink. Dependence on alcohol develops.
Impact: Severe health problems, including liver disease and mental health issues, can arise. Withdrawal symptoms occur if the person stops drinking. - End Stage
Characteristics: This stage is marked by chronic health issues and a significant decline in physical and mental health.
Impact: The person may experience life-threatening health problems and severe social and psychological consequences.
Me: At what point during the progression of alcoholism is the alcoholic’s mental abilities stunted?
Bing AI: Mental abilities can be affected at various stages of alcoholism, but significant cognitive impairment typically becomes more noticeable during the middle to late stages of the progression.
- Middle Stage
Cognitive Impact: During this stage, the person may start experiencing memory lapses, difficulty concentrating, and impaired judgment. These issues arise due to the increasing frequency and quantity of alcohol consumption, which begins to affect brain function. - Late Stage
Cognitive Impact: In the late stage, cognitive decline becomes more pronounced. The individual may suffer from severe memory problems, confusion, and difficulty with complex tasks. Chronic alcohol use can lead to conditions such as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, which is characterized by severe memory impairment and other neurological issues. - End Stage
Cognitive Impact: At this point, the damage to mental abilities is often extensive and may be irreversible. The person might experience significant cognitive deficits, including profound memory loss, difficulty with basic tasks, and severe mental health issues.
The earlier stages might involve subtle cognitive changes, but it’s during the middle to late stages that these impairments become more evident and impactful.
Moving on…
Learning about the cycle of alcoholism and all that it entailed was helpful, even as a youth, because it explained so much about my father’s behavior. In essence, he wasn’t choosing to be the way he was, but rather he was addicted and the addiction, in a way, was choosing for him. He would follow the typical path of the disease until such a time he found the help he needed to recover, if ever he would. For my dad, he took his own life at the age of 47, before he ever had a chance to see the wonders of recovery in the program.
The technicalities mentioned above, coupled with learning about the “isms” of the disease and how it affects the whole family provided some solid footsteps toward my own recovery. We’ll look at the “isms” of alcoholism in a future blog post.
As was typical with me, I did have the opportunity to feel hurt and alienated during the time of Project Sunrise. It was during that time that the Calder Center decided to ask some of the Alateen kids to participate in making a short movie about living with an alcoholic and about resources for getting help. If you haven’t guessed already, they asked my brother Dave to participate and not me. Of course, I was crushed again and remained quietly saddened and discouraged by being overshadowed by my big brother yet again. I never saw the final movie, but I imagine that it was used at Calder Center for a stretch of time, until it became dated, or replaced by newer media. Even with this disappointment I recall the days of Project Sunrise as a good experience overall. In all my years since, I have not heard of anything similar, but then it was a different world back then with far less available to youth with regards to dealing with the effects of alcoholism in the family home.
Two or three years after I joined Alateen, the Thursday night group dissolved as many of the older members moved on in their lives. A second group was established, meeting Wednesday evenings I believe, and although still a viable group with lots to offer, the member dynamics had changed greatly. The kids were a bit younger; I’d say mid-teens mostly. I would have been about 13 when I started to attend this new group and I stayed until I was 15. I enjoyed participating in the meetings, but found that my world was changing, not necessary for the better. Outside the meeting time I spent time with an older fellow named Peter. He lived on his own and we used to spend time in his basement suite playing board games. We were both pretty laid back, so it was just an innocent time hanging out. My mom was not keen on me hanging out with him because he was older and she didn’t know him like she knew Tim from the previous group. After a while I started to hang around with another fellow from Alateen, Rick, who had his own pickup truck, with a CB radio and a small TV that he liked to take along wherever he went. Rick introduced me to beer, and we took every opportunity to go cruising and drinking as often as possible. Obviously, he wasn’t the best influence, but I wasn’t about to say no to the offered bottles of beer. I remember him getting three $54 fines in one weekend for having opened alcohol in his vehicle. On one occasion we were throwing the empties from our open windows at signposts on the street. Very subtle, wouldn’t you say! LOL! Rick and I drifted apart after I quit going to Alateen. I eventually got my own driver’s license, where I continued the tradition of drinking for a few more years. When I think of the Alateen days with the second group, I always think that, yeah, we were good Alateen youth for one hour a week, and then once out the door we left that all behind and experimented with alcohol ourselves and got up to all kinds of mischief. Still, it was good to belong, if only to know I wasn’t the only troubled kid from an alcoholic home.
New Leaves – Photo by Don Cheke
Over the years, as society grew, Al-Anon saw the rise of a broader spectrum of members including men and young adults. I attended Al-Anon for years as the only male at the groups I attended. Eventually many more males became part of the norm. Many changes to the focus of groups came too, with ones focused on adult children of alcoholics or even grandparents of alcoholics. Although they follow the same program, lots of people felt more comfortable if the group consisted of people coming with similar backgrounds. As Al-Anon changed, so too did Alateen. Alateen dwindled and for years there were no groups at all. Those that would pop up from time to time would consist of very few members, typically between the ages of 10 and 12. I should mention that there was always an Al-Anon sponsor at these meetings, not to lead but to be available to answer questions about the program and to some extent, to chaperone the youth. The sponsor was not there to tell the children how to live or behave, or anything like that, but they might share their own personal experience, strength, and hope as required.
In the late 1990’s or perhaps the early 2000’s, I became the Saskatoon district Alateen Coordinator for a one-year term. During that time, I established two Alateen groups, one on the east side of the city and one on the west side. I was the sponsor for both groups so ensured that they were on different days of the week. Members were very few in number in both groups, consisting of 2 to 4 boys and girls, some weeks as few as 1 and more than occasionally none. During that year I travelled to every school in the city to supply Alateen literature. I visited a local juvenile detention center a couple of times to talk one-on-one with a youth about Alateen and alcoholism in general. At one point I was invited to a high school out of town to do a series of talks to groups of kids passing through the classroom every hour or so. The school was putting on a special mental health day about all the services society has to offer in the realm of healthy living. It was a great day and I was impressed with the atmosphere and the attentiveness of the kids. I remember having a renewed admiration for teachers too, and the role they play. I also realized how hard it must be to be a teacher. I remember questioning myself after the third or fourth talk, wondering if I had already said something or if that was to the class before. Thank goodness I had notes to follow, but still, it was still a bit disorienting for my little brain. I suppose like anything, I would have gotten better at it if I did it as often as teachers do.
Throughout the whole year as the coordinator, I felt like Alateen wasn’t reaching the masses and that there seemed little point in trying to keep the program afloat. I knew that the need was still there, as there are as many homes affected by alcoholism as there ever has been, but I came to the conclusion that there are many more services out there, and in the schools, that allow kids access to good healthy resources, such as counselling, boys and girls clubs, and so forth. As a side note, I remember a time when my wife, Denise, established a group at her school called “Little Misses,” or something like that, to teach healthy behaviors, even things like applying makeup so as not to look like a lady of the night. I believe they talked about issues too, and ways to deal with typical school stuff like bullying, self-hate and things like that. I was always so proud of the teacher Denise was, she always shared so much of herself in such loving and kind ways. 💖
I think I will wrap up this blog post by saying that I think it is so important to have places for kids to go and learn about such things as addiction, and to find out that they are not alone in their feelings. Even if they don’t take fully to it, if they attend at all, I think they will garner some important information and when they look back on their lives they will feel as I do, pleased that I had those opportunities to learn and grow.
Donald B. Cheke – October 21, 2024