Comic Interlude 7

We interrupt regular broadcasting once again to bring you a few cartoons from our resident cartoonist…

1.

Drawing a Blank – Created by Don Cheke

After just about every major project I complete, I find myself thinking that I will never find inspiration again and that new ideas will elude me for the rest of my life. One day while out driving I discussed this business with Denise and I had her record a text message so I wouldn’t forget her response. This is what she recorded: “So my husband says to me, what am I going to do when I run out of ideas, and this being the 483^rd time that he has said this to me, I respond with a very simple “well, I imagine just like every other time, you’ll go into a deep depression and then I’ll say a prayer for you, and then I’ll push the magic button and wave the magic wand and the ideas will flow again.””

In case you haven’t guessed, Denise is my muse! 💖 What a great gal! 👍😊

2.

A Really Good Question – Created by Don Cheke

The other day when I was trying to come up with things to talk about in my blog posts I decided to ask the Bing AI for some suggestions. I said to Bing, “I am a student of life. What topics or subjects should I look at to gain more insight?” Bing, or Copilot as it is now called, stated, “That’s a wonderful mindset to have! Here are some topics and subjects that can provide deep insights and broaden your understanding of life.” It then supplied a list. I laughed at the first part of the response (“That’s a wonderful mindset to have”) since it reminded me of a time when Denise and I traveled to Ottawa, Ontario and took a number of guided tours in parliament. I found that whenever I asked a question, I would always receive a similar type of response of, “that’s a really good question!” When I first heard this response, I glowed with pride at the wisdom of my obviously intelligent question. A terrific “atta-boy” if ever there were one. Well, the glow I received from the response was quickly dimmed when I began to notice that every tour guide used the same response when I, or others, asked additional questions. It wasn’t long before I realized that this response was just a programed response based on the psychology of tourism, something that was taught to tour guides to make their charges feel good about the experience. It does seem to work, but the cynical part of me imagines that while they were responding with, “that’s a very good question,” they were likely thinking “that’s a very stupid question dipstick, which I already answered earlier while you were daydreaming! … or something along that like. What do you think? 😊

3.

Industrial Nippers – Created by Don Cheke

There comes a time in every fat person’s life when they can no longer clip their own toenails, so that honor gets bestowed upon a loved one. In case it isn’t obvious why this is so, let me state that it’s simply because the clippie can no longer bend far enough to reach. Yes, it is an embarrassing and depressing thing, but usually not bad enough for the affected individual to do something about. I suppose the clippie could go to the local spa for a pedicure, but that would cost money, and they would not likely have the proper equipment to do a good job of it. 👍😊

If you lean towards being politically correct, perhaps you should skip the next paragraph. Just saying!

Prior to creating the cartoon above, I had the funniest conversation with Denise. As you have gleaned from my chatter above, I can’t reach to clip my toenails, so she does it for me once every blue moon or two. Anyway, while she was clipping, I started to talk about how she was like Jesus washing the feet of the lepers. I mentioned that when she does this, she is being so sweet and kind, and helpful too. As is typical of me, things went south from there, and I said that this leper business would make for a really good cartoon. I said, as Jesus was washing the feet, a disgusted couple could be walking by chanting “leper lover!” I then said that the best part was when Jesus raises his hand after the deed is done and says, “wipe,” like Mr. Monk, in the TV series of the same name, did whenever he was phobic about touching something and then turning to ask his helper for a wipe. WIPE!! 😁

P.S. In case it’s not obvious, in the above cartoon Loafetta is thinking about a quote by Golde in Fiddler on the Roof when she is replying to Tevye’s question about whether or not she loves him. She explains, by way of song, all the things she does for him and then says, “if that’s not love what is?”

4.

Cargo Class – Created by Don Cheke

Have I mentioned how much I hate flying! Well, let me just say that I do, and as any large person can tell you, there are many reasons. We’ll get to that shortly.

My first commercial flight was when Denise and I went on our honeymoon in 1987 to San Francisco. This first flight should have been an eye opener, since flying with us was a large party of Greeks, heading to a wedding in San Francisco. Needless to say, they were with us the whole flight, and boy were they ever loud and rambunctious! Because Denise and I were still young we took it in stride, well, for the most part. It is kind of strange, but I don’t recall the flight home after the honeymoon, so maybe it was a much quieter experience.

There were no more flights for me until many years later. In 2011, Denise and I flew to Las Vegas for a vacation. In 2012, Denise and I flew to Ottawa, Ontario for another well-deserved vacation. Also in 2012, Denise and I flew to New Jersey to meet one of my clients and to tour the manufacturing plant which I had been working with since 2009. In 2014, Denise and I flew to Hawaii to spend a few days with friends. In 2016, I flew to New Jersey for another plant visit, and then again, a month later with Denise, to visit the new plant manager and to tour around the area in my off hours. So not too many flights as you can see, but it was enough to make me never want to fly again, especially after my solo trip to New Jersey.

The worst thing for a large person when flying is when they board the plane and must ask for a seatbelt extension. The flight attendant makes a fuss rummaging around a cupboard at the entry door and hands it off to you, all the while those around are in on what is happening. They should just announce it on the intercom, “fat guy boarding, and YES, he needs a seat belt extension. Who will be the lucky person to sit next to him!” Just for interest’s sake, there was one time when requiring a seat belt extension was actually a blessing. It was on my solo flight to New Jersey. Some “Miss Efficient” flight attendant noted my seatbelt extension and said that I could not sit in the exit aisle while using one of them. She moved me to business class where I was pleased to find more leg room and free snacks during the flight. I had two cold but delicious bananas! Ah, heaven!

The second worst thing, or maybe a tie with the first, is the washrooms on the airplane. As a large person I take great strides to ensure I never have to use the airplane washroom. Crikey, they’re barely large enough to accommodate a child, let alone a typically sized adult. I could usually get my biological timing just right so I never had to use the airplane washroom, with the exception of the long flight Denise and I took to Hawaii. Thank goodness it was only to pee. I thought that if I had to poop in the cramped place, I would just die of shock and embarrassment, let alone be able to wipe myself. Yes, I know, gross…. too much information! 😊

Everyone can relate to the tight seating on the airplane, but for large people, the experience is manifold bad. First off, unless a loved one, such as Denise, is sitting by your side and allows the dividing armrest to be up and out of the way, you must squeeze between two armrest that were sized based on a small chimpanzee. If you happen to be sitting by a stranger(s) you can expect the cold shoulder and not so subtle passive-aggressive behavior from them for having had the misfortune to be placed next to you.

Then there are the tilt-back seats, and when the dipstick in front of you tilts all the way back, well you might just as well brush your teeth on the back of their seat. I had this happen once and I asked the flight attendant to have them tilt back up. Of course, the evil flight attendant just said that they were within their right to tilt back so I would just have to suck it up. Oh, to have so much power! Not good, not good at all! 😊 If only I were more like the Terminator, I would have tilted them back up, so they were able to lick the floor in front of them. LOL! “Consider that a tilt, dipstick!” 😊

Two of the scariest things I have heard about airlines over the years are, 1, the possibility of having forced weighing, to determine eligibility, with the possibility of having tubbies buy/rent two seats, and 2, the development of a new style of seating.

Can you imagine having to be weighed at the ticket counter! That would be ten times worse than asking for a seatbelt extension! Hell no, I won’t go, Hell no, I won’t go! Chant along if you know the words! 😁 Can you imagine what Loaf is thinking in the cartoon above. Yep, something like that!

Although I am embarrassed to admit that I watched all seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm, there was an episode when Larry and his wife, along with some other couples had chartered a small plane to take them somewhere on a holiday. When they got to the terminal, the pilot asked everyone their weight so he could gauge fuel consumption and other details related to the plane. Everyone refused, and a fuss ensued. I was so pleased by this refusal as it pointed out on national TV that nobody really wants to tell their weight to others, even skinny folks like Larry David. Score one for the people! 👍😊

As for the new style of seating, it was someone’s hairbrained idea to design and use a type of stand-up seating for short flights in Asia, thus allowing airlines to cram even more people onto the airplane. It might have been called “Sardine Air,” or it should be, if they go ahead with it. Can you imagine being squished into the seating illustrated in the picture below? No fatties allowed – that’s for sure! What’s that chant? Oh yeah, Hell no, I won’t go! LOL!

SkyRider 2.0 – Photo by Aviointeriors

Now that I have pondered this fully, I think that if I were ever to fly again, I would insist on going cargo class, since there would be more legroom, especially if I didn’t have to share my pallet with someone else, and no tilt-back seats either! 😊 Hell yah, I just might go! 👍😁

5.

Book of World Records – Modeled & Rendered by Don Cheke

This cartoon was created for the sole purpose of introducing this comic interlude. Again, it is in the realm of achieving world fame, the ultimate “atta-boy,” as it were. I am pretty sure that world fame and any world records will only be achieved in the imagination of this cartoonist and in the minds of Loaf and his family and friends. You might be curious to know that this is my 72_^nd Loaf cartoon. Although I have mentioned this before, I must say that I have sure enjoyed the process of writing my blog posts and producing the shorter comic interludes with their short ditties about various topics. My initial goal is/was to create 100 cartoons, so I am getting there. Hopefully my muse will help me along and the rest will come as easily as the first 72 have.

We now return to regularly scheduled programming….

Donald B. Cheke – September 16, 2024