Fathers

Let’s talk about fathers, not the priestly kind, but rather the partner to our mother kind – those that were instrumental in our being here, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. We all had one, and I am sure we all have a story about that father, whether he was actually part of our raising or not. Even those born by sperm donation would have a father of sorts, and a story, even if it is only a donor number on a test tube, and the reason behind our mother’s choice of procreation.

History, through books, movies, TV shows, and so forth, has shown that fathers are a hot topic when it comes to being human and understanding the fundamentals about life. For me, my thinking about fathers usually gets sparked by father and son relationships mentioned in the already named formats. As usual, my thinking takes me back to earlier Star Trek: TNG episodes like the Icarus Factor, which deals with the relationship between Will Riker and his father (S2 E14), or Sins of the Father, which deals with Worf’s family dishonor because of his father’s alleged treason (S3 E17). Or songs like Father and Son, by Cat Stevens.

Like you, I had a father. I have mentioned him in other blog posts, so I don’t want to spend too much time talking about the alcoholic he was or the way he took his own life. In my recent book of memoirs, Reflections, I talked a great deal about him and the influence, good and bad, that he had on me. I also shared some “fun” memories that I want to share here and now. They are of a time when my older brother and I were very young, probably 6 and 8, or 8 and 10 years old. Dad left when I was nine, so we must have been in that age range.

Dad took Dave and I on duck hunting trips in those early years and I said in my book that maybe they should have been called no-luck duck hunting trips since there was very little in the way of “game” to bring home. Along with the apparent shotgun, we would take along a single shot .22 caliber rifle, a “rabbit gun” as they used to call it. I don’t know if there were many of these trips, but one or two for sure, maybe three. I think I remember being allowed to shoot the .22 at targets like empty food tins and beer bottles. I should also mention that Dad was not the typical hunter that you might envision, with all the hunting gear and appropriate clothes. Nope, Dad was a travelling salesman, so his look would have been what you might consider the weekend lounger, a cardigan sweater over a buttoned shirt and plain salesman pants; a rifle in one hand and a case of beer in the other. Dad also wore glasses and I am sure they varied over the years very little, either thick black frames, or the latter more modern wire frames, like I still wear.

I remember returning home from one of those hunting trips with two baby owls, some mice, and a crippled crow we named Diefenbaker. Mom was not impressed, and she made us get rid of everything. I think we had the owls for a few days until they died. The mice, of course, got disposed of right away, as well as the crow. I chuckle at this story now, since it seems so backwards woods father/son-like in the grand scheme of things.

There is also a story about Dad’s Chihuahua-like dog, Mike, being killed on one of these trips. The story goes that Mike was killed by a badger while sniffing around the badger’s den or burrow. I don’t recall ever seeing the dog on any of these trips so maybe it was a time that Dad went out with the dog by himself, or maybe we were there and he just kept us clear of seeing the damage done to the now dead dog. Speaking of the dog, I do remember Dad’s dog at our 3rd Street house being tied up outside in the backyard to a 4×4 post under the porch. That’s all I really remember of the dog being around home and maybe that comes from a picture memory only. Don’t you hate that, not being sure if you remember something or it is just because you saw it in the family photo album? Thinking about it now, maybe Mom made him get rid of the dog, like she made us get rid of ol’ crippled Diefenbaker. Poor little fella. 😊

There is one more thing I remember clearly about the trips with Dad. Dad, of course, being an alcoholic, would always be drinking and driving and to get rid of his empty beer bottles, he would roll down the driver’s side window while he was driving and throw the bottle across the hood of the car to try and get it into the ditch on the right side of the car. I am pretty sure he was an expert at this. Maybe that should be an Olympic sport!

I should mention that somehow after Dad left, we inherited the .22. When Dave and I got older, late teens, we used to take it with us to the shooting range. We went with Dave’s friend Paul who also had a .22 rifle, but his rifle had a clip for extra shells. We were so jealous, since ours was just the single shot type. Just to round off the story about the range, we used to borrow a shotgun to shoot clay pigeons. That was a lot of fun!

Eventually that gun came to reside at my home and when Denise and I adopted Emma, I decided I did not want it around the house. There was a program going on in the city urging people to register guns or turn them in if they were no longer wanted. I thought that turning it in was a good idea, so I took it to the police station and they took it from me and said it would be destroyed. Many years after that, I received a call from the police asking me if I had turned in said gun all those years ago. I confirmed that I did and later found out in the news that someone in the police force was taking all the turned-in guns back to their own private garage stash at home, and it was here that his thieving caught up with him. I was stunned to learn how this was the case and I lost a good deal of faith in the police that has not fully recovered. Not that I think or worry about it much, knowing police officers are human too, but I have not forgotten, that is for sure.

My memories about my father are very few and I often mourn the relationship I would have liked to have had with my father if he would have sobered up and lived to be an old man as I have seen with many people I have known over the years. I remember too, many of the poor examples of fathers I have seen and read about over the years, so maybe I was the lucky one, who was mostly raised by a mother. But still, I would have liked the opportunity to grow along and old with him.

The inspiration for this blog post came recently when I was watching the TV series called Silent Witness. In season 25, episode 4, Jack’s father dies. It was very sad and it reminded me of my own father and fathers in general. It also made me think about the various types of fathers there are and what role they play in our lives and what influence they have on us as children, and later as adults. Even after the show ended, my mind stayed firmly planted on the subject of fathers. I began to think about my new cartoon character, Loaf, and his son, Little Loaf. Little Loaf made his inaugural appearance in Little Loaf & The Hockey Experience, my 26th cartoon. It was already apparent to me at this time that Little Loaf would play a significant role in my cartoons as I moved forward.

Little Loaf & The Hockey Experience – Created by Don Cheke (First seen in the Comic Interlude 1 blog post)

We next met Little Loaf in my blog post called Bi-Weekly Report.

Bi-Weekly Report – Created by Don Cheke (First seen in the Bi-Weekly Report blog post)

And then in Dueling Banjos and Feed-Us Alcohol Syndrome, both in Comic Interlude 3.

Dueling Banjos – Created by Don Cheke (First seen in the Comic Interlude 3 blog post)

Feed-Us Alcohol Syndrome – Created by Don Cheke (First seen in the Comic Interlude 3 blog post)

It was at the time of creating the Dueling Banjos cartoon, that I realized it was me who played both roles. Big Loaf is me as a grown-up and Little Loaf is me as a boy, or more specifically how I would have liked it to be if I had designed the ideal father for myself. As such, these two have, and are going to continue to have, a nice relationship, as it should be. As always, it is my intent to illustrate typical father/son interactions, or real-life situations, with a twist of humor and hopefully a “teaching” moment, which I feel is important.

Nil by Mouth – Created by Don Cheke (New to this Blog Post)

The Feature cartoon is indictive of these real-life situations, with a twist of humor. Here we see Little Loaf stuffing hotdogs into Loaf’s intravenous bag, knowing that this is something that his dad would appreciate greatly. He is so pleased that his Dad is on the mend after his near-death experience with the man cold, seen in Comic Interlude 4. What a great son, thinking of his father’s needs and desires. A real bonding moment, to be sure! ❤️😊

Man Cold – Created by Don Cheke (First seen in the Comic Interlude 4 blog post)

I think that it is important to remember that fatherhood has a wide reach, since it includes having a father, becoming a father, and further down the line to becoming and being a grandfather. That is a lengthy range of time to experience fatherhood from all angles and a long range of time to learn from and to teach with. There is a lot that can go wrong in this long-range span, but there is also a lot that can go right, if we choose to give it our best effort. I hope that makes sense.

Sally Mander – Created by Don Cheke (New to this Blog Post)

I was reminded recently of the possibility of becoming a father when I rewatched Fiddler on the Roof, before I penned the blog post of the same name. At one point during the movie there is a scene where Yente the Matchmaker is talking with Golde about finding a match for Golde’s daughter, Tzeitel. Meanwhile, Motel, the young fellow Tzeitel will eventually marry, shows up at the door looking for Tzeitel.

Yente asks, What does that poor skinny tailor want with Tzeitel?
Golde: They’ve been friends since they were babies. They talk, they play.
Yente: They play, what do they play?
Golde: I don’t know, they’re children!
Yente: Oh, from such children come other children!

I found this quite humorous, as I always do when I watch the movie, and thought about the ramifications of what Yente said. Yep, the ramifications can be just what you can imagine, as Little Loaf can attest to.

Baby Loaf – Created by Don Cheke (New to this Blog Post)

In a true to life reaction, Loaf is impressed that his boy got lucky, and Loafetta can imagine, in full color, what this might mean for everyone involved. What we don’t see is that both Loaf and Loafetta will never guilt or shame the young ones, as they know full well that although this will present some challenges for everyone, the birth of an unexpected child, out of wedlock, is hardly something new to the human race. Both Loaf and Loafetta will help out as best as they can but will expect Little Loaf and Sally Mander to do their part, the bulk of the task, raising and providing for their baby, who they have lovingly decided to call Loafina. Loaf is a bit disappointed that Little Loaf and Sally Mander didn’t feel that they could share the whole pregnancy with him and Loafetta, but understands that the young aren’t always brave enough to approach their parents about such things. This, even when the parents have always indicated by their actions that they can be approached no matter what the topic is. The love from them, as parents, is not dependent on them following some archaic hooey. Better late than never, as that saying goes. Little Loaf and Sally Mander will have learned now that they needn’t have kept it a secret.

When I showed this cartoon to Denise, she asked how old these kids were/are. I thought about it for a split second and said twelve and fourteen, and then I said, no, Sally is fourteen and Little Loaf is sixteen. Yep, young love, and hormones, are definitely flowing by then. I certainly remember thinking I was in love many times when I was that age.

Do you remember Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In (1968 – 1973)? I distinctly remember, well, as best I can, that those guys used to get their kicks now and again making fun of pregnant women getting married in white, the typical shotgun wedding. Of course, we all laughed and never gave it much thought, other than thinking it wasn’t the done thing. Perhaps, as I ponder this now, they were making fun of the absurdity of it happening, or the taboo nature of it in those times. Perhaps they were just laughing at how we like to deny that these things happen, even today in some circles. You can probably guess what I am going to say next, but wouldn’t you know it, like all other Rockwellian imaginings, my own daughter was married, already having given birth to her first child and several months pregnant with her second. Although I had flashbacks to the show, it did not make me any less proud and happy for my glorious daughter. She was, and still is, as beautiful and wonderful as can be, as are her children, my grandchildren.

The difference between having a father, being a father, and then being a grandfather, is most definitely expansive, but they do blend together to produce a fuller picture of what should be thought of as wonderful, and of what opportunities it provides to be the best we can.

My experience as the son of a father was not ideal. I missed out on a lot and I didn’t have a positive male role model to help me get ready for the day I would become a father myself. Perhaps that is not entirely true, since I basically just had to remember Dad as a father, and then determine never to do what he did. As I have said elsewhere, he was a child himself, having been stunted due to alcoholism and coming from a family that had no good role models either. This is a case of “don’t do what I say, and don’t do what I do.” 😊

My experience as a father was most enjoyable for the most part. As I mentioned elsewhere, we had struggles as a family and I specifically had troubles as a father, but no more than one might find in most families. I liked how calm, gentle and opened I was with my daughter, how I was definitely not a typical father, and how my role as a stay-at-home parent was one of the best things that happened in my life and added greatly to the relationship I developed with my daughter. We have a tall standing wing mirror in our living room with one side dedicated to framed pictures. The pictures included in this setting contain a number of father/daughter images – buying and loading a Christmas tree into the car, fishing at the lake, chopping wood while camping, and a few more, showing the ideal image of a father and his offspring, doing typical family things. In this case, they are not just images, they are a true and accurate representation of a loving relationship. I know too from talking with my daughter that she loves and appreciates the father I have always been. That makes me feel wonderful, since I know that I made a positive contribution and not a negative one that would have required a lifetime of counselling to deal with the baggage that would have come if the outcome had not been positive.

As a grandfather, I have a completely different experience, although I am still myself and interact the same way I did with my daughter, with the exception of feeling like I have to raise them, and all that entails. It is my daughter’s turn to do the raising. Aside from just loving and enjoying my grandchildren, the thing I treasure most is the different view the experience offers. Having raised my daughter, I kind of know what is coming with the grandchildren, but I can just watch and experience it on a different level. I did write a blog post on grandchildren, so you can look back for that one if you want to read it again, or for the first time. I love being a grandfather! With my granddaughters currently seven and ten years old, they are very entertaining to watch and spend time with. Two days before writing this blog post the girls came over early so their mom and dad could go on a date for their first ever golf game. Of course, as usual, they asked if Grandpa would make pancakes, because his are the best, even better than the ones they get at home. I guess my legacy will include being the great pancake maker. Gotta love that! 😊❤️

I will wrap this blog post up with one more cartoon of Loaf and Little Loaf bonding over a common interest in things out in the world.

Toiletries – Created by Don Cheke (New to this Blog Post)

Toiletries, of course, is a play on words. Loaf and Little Loaf are on a father/son field trip to a tree farm to learn where toiletries are grown and harvested. It is a very memorable experience, one that both of them will remember for all time and share with the next generation when the time comes, which we have seen earlier in the blog post has already arrived.

Let me know in the comments if you have some great, or not so great, father/grandfather moments you would like to share.

Donald B. Cheke – July 22, 2024

2 thoughts on “Fathers

    1. Just say when, and I will make you pancakes. 😊

      I hope that you noticed that Dad’s dog was named Mike, and was long before I met you. 😊

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