One of the most important parts of any journey is ensuring that one has enough fuel throughout the trek, whether having a full tank for its entirety or being able to refill along the way. In today’s blog post I will include some images that contain gas pumps. They will be metaphors for self-care – a reminder that one must continually refill one’s being with sustenance – good mental health. Being full, one can travel forward knowing that they have what it takes to make the distance – furthermore, the fuller one is the more they have to offer others.
April 9, 2026 – April 11, 2026
Aside from enjoying the nice weather these last days, Denise and I spent much time together enjoying each other’s company. For a treat we took ourselves out to Olive Garden one day where Denise enjoyed shrimp scampi, and I enjoyed the Italian feast. The feast included Gnocchi soup to start, followed by a three-piece helping of Chicken Parmesan, Ravioli, and Lasagna. I have had this great combo before, but today was the first time I ever took leftovers home rather than stuffing myself and feeling bloated. That is growth for me!
As I have been doing lately, I spent a great deal of time working through the Online Therapy Unit material, this time Lesson 3. Earlier I had finished the main presentation, which left me with the Shared Stories, the FAQ, and the DIY worksheets to go through. Below are some notes I made and might send to my therapist. You will note that I had some things to deal with while working on the DIY component.
Lesson 3 FAQ
It was interesting to read the FAQ. I was reminded of how newcomers to recovery want to recover quicker than they seem to be able. In Al-Anon, long-time members often share how it took years to become what they were prior to recovery, so it is only natural to expect that it can take years to find and maintain new ways, although, even in the early days, one can experience enough change to warrant a desire to continue. Thank goodness for that! It is also interesting to note that as one progresses and digs deeper – as they peel the layers of the onion – they find even more to deal with, but by this point they have experienced enough growth to accept that there is always more to discover and make the commitment to continue into the depths. That is not to say that it can’t be a shock to find that there is a lot more to deal with and process.
A thought on Fight or Flight.
In a blog post I had written where I talked about “fight” or “flight,” my younger brother commented on two additional concepts he was learning about and now considers part of his “survival wisdom quartet” – things that kept him protected as a child. They are “fawn” and “freeze.” Freeze made perfect sense to me – where one becomes paralyzed and can’t move, psychologically speaking. I had never heard of fawn in this context, but I gathered that it is a mechanism where one fawns over someone else to make them like or love you, thus forcing them to accept or approve of you. I can certainly identify with this to some degree. I did check with CoPilot to see if my thinking was on track with fawn, and it confirmed what I had suspected.
Lesson 3 DIY
I found that the first 14 pages of the DIY document was a rehash of the main lesson presentation. Although a good review, I don’t have anything to add.
The main concern in Lesson 3 is physical symptoms of over-arousal and under-arousal. Two coping mechanisms that are examined deeply are controlled breathing and activity scheduling.
Controlled Breathing
When it comes to controlled breathing, I tend to use it alongside meditation, especially when I need something other than my thoughts to focus on. In stressful moments, I’m far more likely to rely on self‑talk to steady myself than to focus on my breath. Breathing, for me, is something I turn to when I’m already in a calmer state and want to deepen that sense of peace.
I was asked whether I use my breath during stress to manage unhelpful thoughts or only during calm periods. It’s a good question. I realize I mostly use breathing to enhance tranquility, while self‑talk is what I reach for when stress is rising. Still, I can see how controlled breathing could interrupt a mounting stress cycle and prevent it from taking hold in the first place.
Activity Scheduling
As part of the OTU lesson, there is a list of 100 items in various categories for people to consider as possible activities.
The OTU lesson looks deeply at scheduling time for healthy activities – to build them into one’s daily schedule. I understand that they are trying to instill in their clients the importance of doing things that one enjoys and that scheduling them in ensures that one takes the time to do them. To be honest, I can’t see myself using this idea at all, I’m just not the scheduling type. For the most part, I keep, have kept, myself busy all my life and make changes in my day-to-day routines in a more spontaneous manner. Being retired, this suits me just fine, especially now. I have found over the years that scheduling is rigid and can lead to guilt and shame as things can and do change all the time, thus nullifying the schedule. When I look back on my life, I have noticed that I thrive on being creative in all my various ways. Being creative is always “fun” and brings me much joy. Those few spells of depression I have mentioned while taking this OTU course are just temporary, and minimal on the grand scale of things. I always bounce back quickly when I take steps to kick-start my creativity and find that I am moved onto a new creative path. This is so much like what the OTU material suggests – they say don’t wait for inspiration, they say to start something and the motivation will follow. I agree wholeheartedly!
Through 40+ years of recovery and growth, I have discovered what I like to do, what brings me peace and joy. Much of what I like to do is on the OTU list. Much of what I don’t like is there too. The OTU lesson makes a point over and over again that the list is something to give readers some ideas, and they explain that readers should only do the things they want to or enjoy doing. Their sole point is to schedule some fun activities into one’s life because it is a valuable component of self-care.
So why then, did it bother me reviewing the list!? I guess, for one thing, it made me question myself negatively. If I don’t like many of the things that mainstream society does, does that mean I am less than? Reviewing the list made me feel, too, that it was someone else offering unsolicited help. I much prefer to determine my own path and have always resented it when others offer advice or suggestions on what I should do to get better, or to be better. Again, the OTU material is not saying this, they are only offering options that one can try or not, I suppose, because there are lots of clients that need a different kind of help than I do, and might appreciate the list.
I suppose I felt unsettled because I have already spent years digging into what and who Don Cheke is, and reviewing the list made me feel like I had to start over and explain why I didn’t want to do much of what is on the list.
I actually copied the list and started to comment on each item with a single sentence or two but stopped after about 30. The further along I got the angrier I became, for reasons mentioned above. In part, I thought, what!? Am I going to send this list off to a therapist that doesn’t know me from Adam and feel like I have to explain who this oddball, Don Cheke, is. I realize this is just fear and old baggage kind of stuff rearing its ugly head, but it is what I thought and felt. I know too that the therapist has been nothing but kind and supportive. I guess too, I realize that anytime I/we dig deeper into our psyche there is a chance we will touch on a sore spot, and for me this scheduling and activity identification has done just that.
Without presenting the list, I would like to say that there are many things on the list that I do, most of them under the “To Do at Home” section. As an introvert, I am reenergized by being on my own and following creative pursuits. I also enjoy things that can be done as a couple with my wife, and I like small family gatherings where I can enjoy my daughter and my grandchildren.
There are lots of things on the list that I have done in the past with family and friends but can no longer pursue due to ill health and lack of finances. Those on the spiritual journey know that life asks us to part with many things – more and more as we get older – right up to the end when we must give up life itself. Some chose not to go gently into that dark night, and although I am in no rush to get there, I know that my journey is preparing me for that.
Although I have read through the list, I have decided not to make a list of the things I like or dislike. That is part of my personal journey and I have a very good understanding of that. I know why I like some things, and why I dislike others. And, I do take time every day to do something “fun,” where fun means something that plays a role in maintaining good spiritual/mental health, and makes me happy – allows me to enjoy life.
One of the big questions I had going into the OTU course was whether or not all my creative pursuits were a form of escape, or a genuine aid to stay positive and happy. At this point, I feel that I have found that the answer is the positive one, that it requires a daily effort to be happy and that by embarking on the things I do is exactly what the OTU course is driving at – finding healthy methods to take oneself out of the crazy. So, even though the OTU course didn’t come right out and answer my questions, I read enough into it that I am happy with the answer. I will continue the course with an open mind and appreciate the nuggets of wisdom I know will be there.
Vintage Gas Pumps – Modeled & Rendered by Don Cheke
I just love the style of this gas pump. Although I had modeled the gas pump many years ago, I gave it a new look in 2020 when I was in the early days using my new render program and re-rendering many models from the past.
To keep with the topic of filling up, let’s consider these pumps as the things one tries to achieve in Al-Anon, or other self-help programs. 1. Serenity (inner and outer), 2. Acceptance, 3. Detachment (with love), 4. Self-Acceptance (and self-care), 5. Hope (and Faith).
Also on this day, Denise and I took a drive out to Blackstrap lake. The sun was bright and we enjoyed visiting all the way there and back. Since I had the front-end repairs done on my car the ride seems smoother, but the roads, my gosh, leave a lot to be desired. Denise suggested that we invest in a hovercraft next. I thought that was good idea, as long as it had huge bumpers all around to knock everyone else out of the way, since it might not handle like her formula 1 Forte. LOL! DeeDee Andretti, as I often imagine. 👍😊
Vintage 1970’s Gas Pumps – Modeled & Rendered by Don Cheke
Above is an image of three 1970’s gas pumps that I modeled and rendered in 2022. As I have said before, I love the old vintage stuff!
Maintaining our theme, these three pumps represent the core principles of Al-Anon. 1. The “Three” Cs”: I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it (meaning the alcoholic). 2. Keep the focus on ourselves. 3. One day at a time.
April 12, 2026
I spent much of the day working on this blog post. I also spent time writing a reply to my OTU therapist’s week 4 message. She posed a few questions that gave me pause to think about.
I also spent a bit of time outside, and I planned supper. I am making sweet and sour meatballs and rice for Denise and me.
Feature Image
Vintage Filling Station – Modeled & Rendered by Don Cheke
I 3D modeled and rendered Fender’s Road Side Service back in 2008. Here we see it features the gas pump we looked at earlier. It was modeled even before I had created the service station. I have situated the service station in a photo I had taken one year while Denise and I ventured out to explore the world around us. I thought the perspective worked well enough. What’s missing is a deck or porch where old guys can sip bottles of coke and reminisce about days gone by. 👍😊
That is all for now. I hope that life is treating you well – keep your nose up and fly straight, as I often say to Denise.
Donald B. Cheke – Saskatoon, SK
Another great blog. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Mike!