Route 66 – March 28 to April 1

In today’s blog post I will share some more details of my Route 66 journey with stops at the therapy center, and various other points of interest.

Before I begin, let me say that I often wonder why I am so vulnerable in these blog posts. I know the answer if I dig deep and I am okay with it, but I still wonder, especially after it is posted, or shared with my therapist. I’d say, for the most part it is a fear of being judged harshly. Feel the fear and do it anyway – my mantra – moves me forward.

I also wonder and I hope that you aren’t sick of me sharing this stuff. I know that is a silly thought because I know that if you are, you have the option of not reading.

March 28 – March 31, 2026

It is hard to separate these days into individual events but suffice to say that I spent much time each day working on lesson 2 of my Online Therapy. For the most part, lesson 2 is about challenging one’s thoughts – Thought Challenging, as they call it. The worksheets start out by saying, “thoughts are the things we say to ourselves in our heads and the beliefs we have. They may come in the form of words, phrases, images or memories. Thoughts happen all the time. Some thoughts are deliberate but many occur more automatically. Even though we may not always be aware of our thoughts, they are always there – even when we sleep.” Next, they look at 3 kinds of thoughts – negative, neutral, and positive, and move into much discussion about them and offer suggestions to recognize and deal with them in healthier ways.

Below are some thoughts I had while working through the material.

Although I can recognize many of the negative thoughts and feelings described in the worksheets, I also recognize that I have long since moved far past many, and others that may spark now and again, I recognize immediately and move past without all the extra drama.

One of the first things that came to mind when I started to read the DIY worksheets was something I learned long ago. That is to never compare your insides to the outsides of others. You will lose every time since people are good actors and can hide the turmoil within. One’s own “face” is crystal clear, as excessive amounts of time are spent seeing it and possibly hating it. This is one of the many reasons why things like Facebook are not necessarily good. People post only the best of their life, and often their masks, while you (you used in the general sense here) know your life is, possibly, in tatters. How is that a fair comparison, especially when we would be better off not comparing in the first place. Note that I am aware that people can use Facebook in a healthy manner, but my point was about the unhealthy usage.

I also thought about the condition called body dysmorphia where one might look in a mirror and exaggerate a perceived flaw that may or may not exist at all. I deal with this at times when I see a photo of myself. I see this huge titanic of a person and hate what I see, while others may not see the same thing. That said, fat is an obvious scar that is not well tolerated in society. You might be interested to note that in 2024 & 2025 I created a whole cartoon series – 100+ pieces – to help me come to terms with being fat and accepting myself. It worked very well, and I enjoyed the process immensely, and was pleased with the results of becoming a cartoonist. You’d have to read many of my blogs post to see how this worked, but you can get an early look at it when I began the process.

If interested, see: Cartoonist

The cartoon series really grew to be a treatise on being overweight and I began to use the same cartoon figure for every character – different clothes, hair, and sizes for different characters. When the main character’s son was introduced, it was interesting to see that the son (Little Loaf) represented the son I always wanted to be, and Loaf, the main character, the type of father I am and always wanted to have. The series was a huge amount of work, but it was so enjoyable and rewarding. I used the various cartoons in other blog posts as well, as editorial comics are often utilized. I also created many Cartoon Interludes where I shared five cartoons and explained their significance. I haven’t continued the series as my art is fluid and changes over time.

The 3 steps to Thought Challenging. Recognize the Thought, Examine the Thought, Do Something Helpful.

While beginning this section, I thought about how I must be the odd ball out since I always monitor and examine my thoughts and my actions. I am quick to identify when things are off and I can always identify why. I do get tired, occasionally, always having to monitor myself. Sometimes I wish I could be more natural – living life with a smile and a bounce in my step. All my life, I have taken this living business so seriously. When I am out for coffee, I like to watch people. I often see people, say a waitress in a restaurant that I frequent, and note how happy she always seems to be. I know that this is comparing my insides with their outsides, but still, I would like to feel that apparent happiness more readily or more constantly. Again, that is not to say that I don’t know happiness, because I do, maybe even more than most, because that is where my recovery has brought me – a happiness at my core that shines even during the hardest challenges I may face from time to time. Maybe it doesn’t always appear on my face, but it is there.

I enjoyed reading the thought challenging questions. They are very succinct and direct. I see a lot of what I do within the list, only, as I have mentioned, mine are more like slogans that I use to give me pause to think and to reframe my thinking. I especially like the one about whether or not you would say the same thing to a friend, or how you might react if they were saying something similar.

Challenging one’s thoughts and utilizing positive self-talk, which I think is similar to doing something helpful, is so important. Many times, over the course of our life together, my wife and I have provided each other with a physical list of the others positive qualities and gifts. I know that she looks back on those from time to time, as I do. Being reminded of this allows us to challenge unhelpful thoughts when we doubt ourselves. I guess I am mentioning this, as it shows that I/we actively take part in thought challenging, and have done so for decades. I often talk about Denise’s gifts and qualities in my blog posts. She is an inspiration and has lots to teach, just by being herself. I said to my therapist that “I wish I could share who she is with you, and what she means to me. I don’t expect you to devote excessive amounts of time to me as my therapist, but if you are interested, I could share a blog post with you about the time I interviewed her and asked her to speak on all the topics in The Prophet, a book by Kahlil Gibran. It’s a long read, but a good one, I’d say.”

If interested, see: God is a Girl, and Her Name is Denise

Just to be clear, I do understand the distinction being made in the DIY document between thought challenging and positive thinking. For me, positive thinking is the result of the examination, as is also mentioned in the OTU document.

Just for the sake of trying the Thought Challenge method, I tried one the other morning.

Recognize the thought.

“Oh crap, it’s snowing again and this winter is just dragging on. This winter feels like the longest one there has ever been. Goddamn weather! Goddamn ice everywhere! So gray and gloomy.”

How it made/makes me feel.

It brings a wave of depression and hopelessness.

What I think in addition – examining the thought.

Being the end of March, this won’t last, and spring is around the corner. I love spring, and I am so looking forward to it.

What I recognize as well is that the initial feelings bring me down and keep me from feeling joy. It makes me feel like I am waiting for the winter to be over before I can be happy again. Can I not enjoy the day in other ways, like working through the OTU materials or writing a blog post, or working at some art.

Doing something helpful.

In spite of the weather, I took myself out for breakfast and enjoyed my time doing so. Denise was busy with something else, and going alone to a restaurant is something I do occasionally. I am okay with my own company, so that always makes an outing like this good. I brought my kindle and read, I enjoyed my breakfast and thought about how blessed I am in so many ways. I also thought deeply about the book I am currently reading – The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish. I am not far in at this point, but so far it seems like a book that will provide lots to ponder, something I always look for in my reading material.

When I got home, I worked on the OTU DIY some more and finished off these notes/message.

The net result was that the unhelpful thoughts were short lived, and I was able to move past them and still enjoy my day. The process came naturally, even without specifically using the thought challenging steps in the material. This is confirmation that my dedication to my recovery is working, even though I have the occasional off thought – progress, not perfection!

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This week I also worked on some OTU additional resources, this time the one called Managing Beliefs which became a blog post that I published on the evening of March 31.

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Thoughts on painting.

I haven’t done much in the way of abstract painting lately. I sort of chalked it up to suffering the winter blues and not being moved to do so, but I was thinking today that maybe there was a different reason. I thought about how for the last while when I was creating abstract art it felt like I had to force it. It didn’t seem as free flowing as it did when I began, when I had no idea what I was doing. New pieces just popped out that I couldn’t believe I had made. Digging deeper, I decided that as I started to learn the tools they become more of the focus, figuring out what I needed to change in the setting for more definitive results. On top of that, nearer the last pieces, I started to feel like I had to make something specific in the sense that I had to ensure that it spoke whatever was hidden within. At this point, I feel like the tools were confining me, keeping me from expressing myself freely, without regard for the tools and the outcome. Of course, I want to continue to paint, but I will need to find a way back to the freedom I had when I first embarked on the journey into the abstract.

Moral of the story is that if the brush stroke or the specific brush is the most important thing, then that takes away from the art itself. That’s my thinking, anyway.

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One of the things that added to some stinking thinking I felt this week was my teeth. When I had my new crown installed on March 24^th all went well, and for three days I had no pain. For three days after that I had pain in the same tooth, it was sensitive to hot and cold, and the pain, although not severe, made me unhappy. Instead of bothering my dentist I explained my procedure to Google AI, and it assured me that some pain and discomfort were common after such an intense procedure. It suggested that the pain might last up to two or three weeks. I decided to weather the pain and a couple days later the sensitivity and pain subsided. The tooth still feels fine today, and I am optimistic that the nerves have settled down – at least that is the hope. On another note, when I saw my dentist on the 24^th we discussed my dissolving baby tooth. We decided to leave it in place since it was not causing me any grief. If in the future it does, we will address removal at that time. As you can see, I didn’t lose either tooth that I feared losing earlier in the month. Cool!

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April 1, 2026

I had a very interesting dream last night. It was so clear and never drifted away when I woke up. I discussed the dream with Denise later in the morning and while doing so each detail came to make sense in the dream analysis.

I hate to admit this, but over the years, I have dreamed about the first long-term girlfriend I ever had. It has tapered over the years but still every now and again there she is. No, it’s not sex dreams, but other seemingly run of the mill dreams. Sadly, my sex dreams are few and far between. Perhaps like most of us, those would be welcome nightly! 👍😊

In the dream she and I were at this house. I believe it was the one where she lived in her high school and university days. I don’t know if we were married, living together or just dating, but she was trying to cook this live 12-inch-long fish. The water was still cool and while flipping around it bounced out and landed on the floor. While flopping around it somehow changed in size, less than half the size it was. I chased the fish around trying to catch it so I could drop it back into the pot. As is usual, she never says a word during this whole escapade and I am reminded of how much I hate being in a relationship where there is no communication. As a side note, I dated this girl for four years until I broke up with her for this very reason. I am a sensing, feeling, kind of guy and I need a partner who can share at all levels most of the time, if you catch my drift.

The dream changes and the next thing you know, I am moving out.

I somehow find a place to live with a single old lady. She is kind of isolated and alone, and she is taking me in with the idea that I will dust for her and maybe fix things around the place. I look around the house and see that it has got an inch of dust on everything, including on top of the curtains.

In the next scene, I am sitting down on the floor by her feet looking up to her and saying that I would counsel her as part of the deal, and that she could counsel me. As a side note, this is reminiscent of a time between the girl friend mentioned above and before I met Denise. I was sitting on the floor, just like above, asking a girl why she wouldn’t date me. We were friends for years, and that is all she wanted. That was in the days when I was still drinking, and I tended to be a weepy drunk. LOL!

In the morning when I was telling Denise about the dream, I realized that she is the old lady that took me in, and we are there for each other, in part to counsel one another. She also houses and feeds me, and in return I cook for her, and provide other services. Get your mind out of the gutter – I mean other household duties such as getting groceries and providing nursing when required. 😊

Because communication with Denise is so good, I always feel that meeting her, and becoming her husband, is like a dream come true. I also said that I would love her forever or something like that and she acknowledged that we’ve been together over 40 years. She asked if I wanted more and I said humorously, “yeah, give me 20 more” like a drill sergeant. We both laughed and are looking forward to the next 20.

In the end, I thought the dream was very interesting, and it certainly made a whole lot of sense to me. I wonder if this dream came because I had been thinking about financial success earlier in the week. Sure, I may be dependent on Denise for financial security, but as she always reminds me – when we married, we became partners in every sense of the word. We pooled our resources and what was mine became ours, just as what was hers became ours. We have both been happy with the arrangement all these years.

P.S.

As I was writing this last bit, it dawned on me that I was also the fish in the dream – a fish out of water, all those years I spent with that first long-term girlfriend. Was it a waste of time, or another learning experience….

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Feature Image

Eight-Track Stereo Player – Modeled & Rendered by Don Cheke

While traveling down Route 66, one can imagine the tunes are blasting from the old eight-track tape player – Thin Lizzy, Supertramp, Peter Frampton, ELO, Queen, and so much more. Although the 8-Track system wasn’t that great, technology-wise, it has a nice romantic vintage feel to it, even to this day.

Eight-Track Tapes – Modeled & Rendered by Don Cheke

I 3D modeled and rendered the tapes and the player in 2023 when I was on a vintage modeling kick. I still love to check out these vintage renders as they transport me back to those most enjoyable days.

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April 1^st – can you feel the twinges of the approaching season of new life? I hope so! I also hope that you are enjoying this man’s meanderings.

Happy travels!

Donald B. Cheke – Saskatoon, SK